Swimming upstream — a mental construct?
Yesterday’s heart reading about the courage to heal did not include anything about the incredible gift I received earlier in the day; I figuratively swam around it. After years of going to this or that specialist, practitioner, or alternative healing artist, I visited a multifaceted doctor, chiropractor, herbalist (and more) who honed in on a very specific remedy for my “issues.” Was I elated? No. I gave him a fair amount of skepticism. And I’m still a bit doubtful even though last night I had one of the best night’s sleep in a very long time.
I’m so used to swimming upstream that I have forgotten what it is like to float.
When I think of swimming upstream I imagine exhaustion — the kind that Sisyphus must feel having been condemned to roll a huge boulder uphill for eternity. I also experience an emotional wave from the numerous times over the years that I have perceived others to have it easier than me. I wasn’t wrong to react as people with less education, less experience, or less of a track record advanced beyond me, but perception is not reality.
I had a chip on my shoulder about working hard, about having a hard life, about poor communication modeling (i.e. family dysfunction), blah blah.
Fish don’t swim alone.
And none of us ever work or achieve anything alone even if a notion of independence and competition — reinforced in our lives over multiple generations — would have us believe otherwise.
This lovely doctor I met with yesterday talked with me about mental constructs, a topic I have done a deep dive into along my healing journey. He said that even if we “say” we are no longer affected by trauma and are able to talk about it without emotional intensity, the body cannot be fooled. If we’re not yet healed we’re not yet healed.
My heart is still holding the need for healing and wellness as the primary order of social change. How can it not?
I’ve found myself saying a few times today the phrase “we’re all in this together.” This is a great and very true sentiment that can expand as we reinforce it — as we counteract the reinforcement (and literal brain myelination) of separateness and competitive individuality.
I’ll try to imagine y’all as fish alongside me.
P.S. As I’ve explicitly stated, mostly early on in these heart readings, these heart readings are offered to the intelligent spirit beings whom I believe are holding hopeful space with us. I forget this sometimes especially as I get confused by what I’m hearing — messages from my head are louder than readings from my heart!
P.P.S. This heart reading has been rushed a bit. I have so much to say about this topic and the “roots” of it all. But I’m tired and simply want to get off the computer.