Heart Reading … Day 17

The Great Debate: when is the fullness of feeling too much?

17 days and a lifetime of wanting and needing the fullness of feeling to define authenticity, radical honesty, truth, connection, integrity, clarity, and real love. Is there a point — in a life, a day, a conversation — when enough is enough? And, if so, who decides when that point is reached?

We know how nuanced life is, how many multifaceted variables coexist in the perception of shared experience and all we have to navigate these variables with are words, tones, and nonverbal expressions. We can invest countless hours of said life in order to “smith” the words, hone the tone, and increase our sensitivity to the myriad cultural conditionings along the continuum of nonverbal communication, only to find that we all have a finite capacity for feeling.

I heard myself tell my daughter yesterday during that early morning precious moment of time that we carved out of our day to be together, “sadness won’t kill me.” What a thing to assert with confidence. Do I really mean this? My referenced evidence was the fact that I am not yet dead and that my great great grandmother’s message to me the other morning in a liminal state was something to this effect (she had suffered so much loss and lived into her mid 90s).

Today, this week, I have felt quite sad. It seems an open heart is vulnerable to sadness. And yet there is incredible joy to be had in every moment. Talking about sad things can feel joyous in its intimacy. Feeling the sense of our collective isolation and trepidation can bring joyful understanding of interbeing. Allowing sadness to take us down, temporarily, can usher forth insight and guidance as to our next right steps.

This week also held both heartfelt actions (like the two rallies I participated in) and beautiful declarations of love — like the one my future son-in-law made to my daughter yesterday (she said yessss). These expressions of heart are imbued with so much joy in their hopeful continuity of the highest degree of spiritual potential.

Taking time to appreciate the experiences of the heart is helping me understand just how full my feelings already are. And as this steady beat through life goes — calmly, excitedly, anxiously, generously, tentatively, passionately, and with hope — it does feel full, full-filled even.