Heart Reading … Day 36
Whose big idea was this heart reading thing anyway?
Well it took me 36 days to get a little cranky about doing these heart readings. And the truth is I don’t want to do it. I’m tired (see yesterday) and had some not great health news (though it really does explain things which has its upside). My routine has been off kilter for the past few days (geez I’m sounding old…) and I’m marinating in a pool of jealousy about something I won’t get into right now (I’ve got to have some boundaries, right?)…
So the only thing I can do is lay down and put my hand on my heart and see what happens.
What emerged is the word Petulance. I am being petulant; the watered down and filtered adult version of a temper tantrum.
Initially as I lay here listening to the summer evening insect noises and trying to connect with my heart beat and breathing, I was feeling grateful — aware of being physically comfortable in temperature and musculature. But then the crankies kicked up again and this outside serenade got annoying real quick as I started hearing it as the scratchy awkward tones of really old dial-up internet.
But then the calm washed over me with the thought, “so much (or all?) of nature — including the constant, non-quitting beat of your own heart, Karen —is an innate expression of both self and selflessness. Like the insects (or any non-human species) that need to mate and bear offspring. They don’t think, “well, I don’t really like my options here, I’ll pass on mating this season.” No, they do what they have to in order to breed the most viable offspring they can (self) and they do it to the best of their ability given their environmental conditions (selflessness).
The calm went away nearly as fast as it arrived because I impatiently got up and started typing. But I do love the reliability of this process to reconnect me with my heart and deliver a reading of some degree of insight — every time without fail. And that is why I keep doing this. I need this sense of order and grace right now, even if I am only showing up half-heartedly on the emotional front today.
