Heart Reading … Day 42
A commentary on deconstructing white-mindedness
I am realizing so gratefully that I write about my daily heart readings in order to honor my connection to spirit and that it matters very little if at all whether or not humans read these writings (though it would be wonderful if more people did heart readings themselves every day).
This realization, only occurring to me on day 42, makes me very happy. I have spent decades of my life feeling conflicted about my whiteness, which is so easily equated to being a capitalist, which is so easily equated with the “hungry ghost” desire to be seen by millions of people surfing their devices. I am not a capitalist. I am a cooperativist.
But the deeper conflict lies in the methodology of unpacking the invisible knapsack, as Peggy McIntosh famously describes. I have wanted resonance with other humans, but what I need is sustained resonance with spirit. And, unlike the indigenous practices I have tried — but unable to sustain (including putting a daily food or meal offering outside for the ancestors) — this daily practice is something I am able to sustain (sometimes barely) and this practice is truly on par with the intent and reverence modeled by my indigenous teachers.
Everything I’ve heard about or read about from an indigenous person has spoken directly to my heart. This also adds to the conflict I feel in my whiteness. To address this, years ago I had “infiltrated“ the banking sector to attempt to change from within. I quickly found that the 99% were not the problem; complicit perhaps, but not the problem. I stayed in this industry much too long.
If white-mindedness doesn’t come to you intrinsically, you might like to read my book, Beyond Karen.
And so this new daily heart reading practice, translated into words and shared here on this Medium, allows me to give thanks to all that is, in my own way.
It’s also motivating me to expand my connection to other living beings, mostly trees and insects. Today I let a fly lick salt off my arm for quite a while; it was very irritating but something I had never tried before. It seemed that the fly immediately understood that my arm was safe and I wasn’t going to swat at it with any attempt to kill it.
I also went to a stand of Norway spruce trees and inhaled the terpenes (that are incredibly good for the brain) in the needles of one low hanging branch. I also asked this particular grand and gorgeous grandmother tree to take all my excess mental energy if she would be so kind. I definitely felt lighter afterwards.
This morning I was also quite fortunate to connect with my community of meditation practitioners in the Order of Interbeing. There was a reading from Sacred Instructions by Sherri Mitchell and this particular reading reminded us to acknowledge the darkness in the world with gratitude and understand that the darkness is an opportunity to discover and bring forth more light. It is everywhere waiting for us.
