Heart Reading … Day 48

Can you feel your heart healing?

I know what an uneasy heart feels like — palpitations, unnatural, an uneven heart rate, a beat that no drummer could follow. But an easy heart? It often goes unnoticed, just does what it does — keeping us alive. No small thing right?

Healing the heart is much more involved than reducing one’s cholesterol or doing more exercise. The heart, like the brain (perhaps like every one of our organs including the skin), is a sensitive and energetic conductor of our very being — responsive to thought, holding patterns, emotional fluctuations, interpersonal dynamics, the weather, and so much more.

I am only beginning to appreciate my heart and I have no real concept yet of how much or how little it may need to heal. This morning I got a taste of some healing that may be possible, that I may be ready for; and this afternoon I made space to be in nature in a more in depth way than “normal.” It’s challenging for me to not feel like I’m being a “bad employee” — even when I’m an owner of my company! That line of thought definitely needs healing.

Today truly was a great day start to finish. Not only did I receive new and subtle insights from my weekly sangha community’s reading of the Five Mindfulness Trainings (every time we read them together new insights emerge — it’s a gift that keeps on giving), I also received a friend’s insight about her heart healing that she shared with me tonight. The mindfulness insight may be the subject for another day, but I will share a bit of my friend’s insight as I think it is powerful to notice holding patterns in our bodies and to observe what happens as we actively release them.

My friend said that when she gets a tight knot in her shoulder (from the “shoulds” we tell ourselves?) her heart constricts. Not only does she have a special way of getting the knot out (I suggested something like a racquet ball and working it out against a wall but her technique is very fine and she wasn’t asking for ideas…note to self), she has observed the sensation of having had a really good cry — even if she doesn’t cry — after the knot is released. Pretty cool huh?

These physical holding patterns could be due to typing on a computer (and I promise I will go hang upside down after this is finished — see day 26) or any number of things we do contorting our bodies in unnatural ways. But the holding patterns I am currently most curious about are the emotional ones. How do these get stored in the body? How does one intervene with compassion for oneself so that less damage is done … and less healing is needed because more healthy living is happening?

The muscle that I am wanting to “flex” (the word just doesn’t feel right — see day 47) is an energetic muscle. I know it is very flaccid, underutilized. And yet I have a very deep sense that it is part of my heart and connected to our beloved creator and the spirit guides whom I do my best to honor with these heart readings.

Here is a gift from my sangha:

The Buddha teaches that mindfulness is at the heart of an awakened life. Mindfulness is the practice of keeping our full attention on everything we do so that, for example, as we walk, we know we are walking; as we wash the dishes, we know we are washing the dishes, as we are experiencing an emotion, we are aware that we are feeling that emotion.

I am aware of my tired body and will now go give her some energetic nourishment.