Heart Reading … Day 57

Having heart to heart conversations

There is a point in a real, honest, in-depth, feelings conversation where our emotions shift beyond our typical, “normal,” state of being. This shift is the point where we can either get nervous, aggressive, quiet, or curious. I like to call this the Pivot Moment of Choice. If we don’t actively choose how we will respond to our emotions rising inside us, we cannot be responsible; we will be reactive and potentially cause harm. Choosing curiosity is a great way to sustain emotional safety but it has to be heart-centered.

I can get preachy and it’s been hard over the years to hear feedback from my family members when I come across as a know-it-all or make them feel like I’m giving a lecture, though I am really grateful that they are comfortable enough to give me honest feedback. So I keep practicing being in my heart, slowing my roll so to speak.

I love a good heart to heart conversation and I’ve realized recently — after letting some deep sadness rise up about how difficult it was to self-publish my recent book — that conversations are way more important to me than any book sales or artificial notoriety. And I have many regular and wonderful conversations, so the antidote to sadness is to reflect on the details of these wonderful conversations so that they stay with me and nourish me more effectively.

The antidote to any negative feeling is gratitude.

Another challenge of mine is having high expectations. This can be a real drag to my children or it can inspire them and the subtlety of an expectation can be no big deal (like expecting prompt text replies) or a huge deal (like expecting everyone to clean up after themselves) depending on the expectation du jour or the amount of not entirely heart-centered “heart to hearts” we’ve had over the years.

Taking deep breaths together is such a simple way to start a conversation and bring restorative pauses to the conversation as needed. These breathing rests help us collect our thoughts, and the respiration brings clarity, especially when we state our intentions to each other to listen care-fully and respect each other’s truths.

The reason today’s heart reading is expressing itself about gratitude is because I feel grateful to have had a couple of really sweet heart to hearts lately. No big deal conversations that truly are big deals — the kind that start with questions like, “how are you feeling?” or “can we spend a few minutes discussing that thing that happened?” and end with a lightness of being— because they are mutually ease-full and satisfying. And that is power-full.