Heart Reading … Day 6

Maybe my “big idea” from yesterday has some holes in it…

I love stability as much as anyone and alongside things like the chair I’m sitting on (crosswise because I was too apathetic to turn it) or the table I’m sitting at, I am grateful for and deeply value the supports, the people, the disciplines and “law and order” we humans follow, generally. And yet, when I carefully welcome a bit more chaos into my life, a bit more receptivity and openness to any moment’s unpredictability, and let myself feel surprise, the mysteries of life take on a richness and lead my heart to feel expansive — joy-full.

I am aware of how often my heart feels shaky these past few days. I’ve mentioned feeling it beat in my throat, even in my teeth as I simply lay down in a “calm” state. And I have to reflect on the fact that this is a far cry from the full body tremors I once experienced when attempting to speak my mind many years ago. Nothing felt like safe space back then. Most everything by comparison feels like it has potential to be safe now. [She says, fully mindful of the fucking intense political and climate instability in every corner of the world].

This body-mind is all I can attend to; doing so allows for a clearer voice when witnessing racism, misogyny, and harmful ignorance. I am seeking a more responsive relationship with my own heart so that I can listen deeply, with compassion, and engage with greater capacity in the world.

Last night, I asked a question of Resmaa Menakem and Robin DiAngelo during their dialogue on racism. I wondered if they agreed that white people delving into their experience of the white race together — going inward rather than outward — was legitimate without the leadership of a person of color. Resmaa agreed that it was; Robin deferred to Resma…

I’ve worked hard to learn how to embody my feelings and experiences with others. And I have so much more to learn. The heart wants to be in dialogue with us. The heart rises each day like — no as — the sun radiating out as far as we can imagine.