Heart Reading … Day 86
The word is preoccupied
For the past day or so I have been looking for a theme or a word to describe the sense of being together in a group, but in a way that is less than present. It seems to me that most of my life has been a series of planning meals and errands and excursions and activities — various ways of spending time together — and either setting no intention for the emotionality of that time or setting an intention carefully, but then holding it just as carefully so I don’t get too intense about it.
No one wants to be or feel lonely. But sometimes we can feel lonely even if we are with people we know and love and then sometimes we can feel deeply satisfied by sitting alone but surrounded by strangers.
I have had the good fortune of being with a good number of people I know and love this weekend as well as hanging around outside surrounded by hundreds of strangers — both gave me the opportunity to reflect on the social experiment of feeling satisfied and/or wanting more out of experiences with others. One was an annual family party and the other was an annual lantern festival (though this was a first for my immediate family).
The word is preoccupied.
Am I preoccupied in any given moment? If so I am not present. Logical right?
It can be damn hard to not be preoccupied! There are food preparations or arrangements to consider, there are always a number of logistics that can distract us from being together in a meaningful way. So much so that when we are actually not scrambling around one another— when we are still and have nothing to distract us — we only have to look to our phones in order to recreate the sense of being preoccupied that can feel like our “normal” state of being.
My heart reading today has taken me 24-hours to find its pulse. I’ve been rather preoccupied. And I don’t know that I don’t want to stay preoccupied, frankly, even though I thing it would probably be good for me to be less preoccupied.
This image is at least an aspiration to be more zen — more present.